I’ve had a good two, three, four anxiety bouts today. Why? Debt.
Sure, we all have our fair share. Some more than others. Mine just scares me and stresses me out. It’s not that I’m a spend freak. You should see me at WalMart debating the need to purchase something that costs $10 or $15 dollars. It’s quite amusing to watch.
Over the last several months, I’ve given a lot of consideration to my debt load, especially since I’m going back to school next fall. I don’t have any credit cards. I got rid of those awhile ago. My debt comes in the form of car loans, student loans, medical bills, and the lovely double-taxation that is the IRS.
The medical bills and the IRS is what gets me the most. First the medical bills, the past two years I’ve had some freakish accidents. I tore my rotator cup in 2004 on the night before election day. In 2005, I fell off a landing near my apartment and severly sprained my ankle. Both times I had to go to the ER. Both times my lovely insurance company hardly paid a dime if anything at all. I still owe on both and the bill collectors know me on a first name basis.
Now add my recent bout with food poisoning this summer. I received a letter today that my insurance company won’t pay for some of the treatment. I’m starting to think that they just write decline on everything just to keep on par. I had no choice to go to the ER, because I was extremely sick and nothing was open.
The IRS I pay monthly on. About $50 a month on taxes on a monthly payment plan because the government didn’t take enough out of my paycheck so they have to break into me a little bit more to pay for things that they shouldn’t fund in the first place. I haven’t missed a payment, but its embarassing.
Add in the fact that I had to file bankruptcy after my ex-wife and I seperated in 2004, and I feel like all of my hopes, dreams are slipping away. It’s not like I go out of my way to spend money. I don’t spend hardly anything on myself. Yet, I feel like I can’t ever get ahead and that it will cost me the only thing that I’ve been passionate about doing in my life. It scares me.
Maybe I’m overreacting. I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest.
BTW, I’ve lost 5 pounds.
