What does it take to make a relationship work?

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Since I started writing this blog a few months ago, I’ve noticed there have been a few constant themes that will either generate my thoughts or generate hits to this collection of randomness that comes from my mind. Most of the time I focus on the insane aspects of sports and politics, jumbled with my thoughts on life and my faith, and some day-to-day stuff that either add laughter or at least that moment of “Shannon, what in the world are you thinking?”

Perhaps that is what you will think after this latest entry, but lately I’ve been giving a lot of thought to relationships. Many of you who know me personally know about my failed marriage. I don’t hide from it. I made a lot of mistakes in the marriage and in the year or so afterwards that really affected me and those around me. Only through healing - which came with faith and the love of others - have I been able to move on.

But as I seek out a new situation, and for sake of being honest my first true marriage, what does it take to make a marriage work? I think I have some good ideas of what leads to a failed marriage, which ultimately when you do the opposite of what I did the first time around, you should have a good marriage.

My wife at the time and I failed at one of the basic tennants of a good marriage - communication. We never talked and when we did it usually led to verbal taunts back-and-forth that would make Vince McMahon blush. To say the least, we were a case example of what not to do.

If I’ve learned anything in the last year or two about marriage is that it is on-going, fluid thing, that changes daily and must be worked on daily. It takes love and respect, but it takes a desired commitment amongst two people who are willing to share and be open with each other.

They (a collective they) say it’s good to have others you can look to for support in whatever you are facing in life. I’ve been blessed by God to have great support in my family of friends (hey, that’s what they are and that’s what I’m calling them) who have given me an idea, a better idea, of what it means to be in a great marriage.

I look at one of my friends and see admiration and love. I look at another and see a relationship that is built upon communication and trust. Another I can take the idea of having fun with each other in love, while another trying new things because it’s what your spouse loves to do.

Relationships are hard work, but not so when two people earnestly work together with love and respect for one another.

I’m confident that I will fall in love again, and get re-married. Perhaps now, I’ll have that relationship I’ve always wanted - one built on love, communication, care, and trust - but seemed like a distant dream once before. When it happens, trust me, I’ll take better care of the relationship.

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