The show may return to its regular schedule
Posted by Shannon on March 19, 2007
It’s been a few days of dead air over here and to my 3 loyal readers, I apologize. Things have been, well let’s just say chaotic since the last time I posted. I’ve tried to write things, truly I have, just nothing makes sense.
I tried writing on what I think about East Carolina University, which I gained a new appreciation for after this past week. Even some other things that popped into my head, but they are discarded onto the cutting edge floor of wasted thoughts.
Perhaps that is where I should begin today on thoughts. Those of you who know me personally, know that for awhile - if I’ve shared it with you - that I suffer from intrusive thoughts that run contrary to everything I believe, everything I am, and everything I believe God has for me to be. At times it feels as though I can’t shut my mind off. I wish I could. I’ve suffered from this problem for 8 years.
I finally sought help through the advice of some good friends. It turns out that I have been punishing myself, unconsciously, for 8 years for the sins of my past, and my family history with anxiety. (And probably a collective nah, really came over the crowd.) Things that I’ve kept in like the suicide of my father, my abusive relationship with my step-father, the hurt I suffered in high school, the poor relationship I had with my ex-wife, the divorce, the bankruptcy, and others. For a 27 year old guy, I’ve seen a lot and experienced a lot. I can’t keep punishing myself or else I’m going to become something I do not want to be.
This is a long road, but it is not a lonely road. As I told a friend when I was diagnosed if I’m a strong Christian now and a great guy now, imagine what I will be like when I get this burden off of me.
I can’t wait for that day.
