Dear Residents of Earth,
I would like to take this time to apologize to all of you from Australia to Asia, Africa to Europe and the Americas for global warming. It has come to my attention that global warming is my fault.
You see in May 2005, I was granted a divorce by the Cleveland County District Court in North Carolina. According to a recent article by LiveScience.com’s Jeanna Bryner, my divorce may have led to the perceived global warming problem the earth is currently facing. Bryner writes, “Divorce leaves more than a trail of legal documents, stinging egos and uprooted kids. The split-ups wreak havoc on the environment.”
So I apologize. I promise, my fellow residents of planet Earth, that the next time I get married that I will do all that I can to keep the marriage strong and healthy for fear of destroying the planet anymore than I already have with my earlier divorce. My hope and wish is that you will accept this apology and that we may be able to move on from this horrible moment in global warming.
