First Year Thoughts and Reflections

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When I think back to reflect on what will soon be the completion of my first year at seminary - finals begin today and conclude Wednesday morning - I’m amazed at how well the opening line to Charles DIckens’ novel A Tale of Two Cities is an applicable description.

It  was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

There were times that made me humbled. There were times that made me want to run back to North Carolina as quick as I could. There were times that made me laugh, others that made me want to scream and shout in frustration and anger.

What follows are my reflections looking back on this first year, which I’ll admit has flown by. They are just my thoughts and my way to look back and look forward.

Perhaps the hardest thing for me was getting used to leaving one community and joining another. I’ll admit I didn’t want to leave North Carolina. As much as I knew this is where God needed me and wanted me, I came hesitant, perhaps even wishing that Duke would call and ask me to come there instead.

That call never happened. I’m glad it didn’t. For what I’ve learned in the past nine months about myself, about God, about others has inspired me in ways that I don’t think any other school could do. This was the right place for me.

I’ve learned more about the Bible, especially the Gospel of Matthew. I know about the struggles of the early church now. I have a deeper understanding of personal holiness and serving others. I know how to do an exegetical paper and what a dipthong does in relation to other letters. A detailed observation is not scary, nor is a Rule of Life. I have a better understanding of redemption and how the message of God’s love is clear throughout the Old Testament.

And I’m grateful for all of it and more.

But there are the personal lessons as well.

It was reaffirmed to me that I’m on the path God has ordained for me. It was reaffirmed to me that I need to do a better job appreciating that fact.

I realized that sports analogies on a seminary campus are not easily comprehensible to the vast majority of people.

I realized that no matter how bad you want something to work out, sometimes it just doesn’t to no fault of anyone.

I’ve realized that I need to do a better job of setting boundaries for myself to protect not only those around me, but also myself.

I’ve realized I worry too much about being something that I’m not. Though that worry causes me some of my biggest stress.

I’ve realized mistakes and bad decisions will happen in ministry. It is how your respond to those mistakes and bad decisions that will determine how you move forward in life and in your relationship with God and others.

I’ve realized that I have a great group of friends that amazed me so much by their love and support. I only wish I was a better friend to them.

I’ve realized that I need to know the meaning of the word “no” and use it more often.

I’ve realized that as great as Wilmore is that it can be quite depressing if you don’t try to leave every now and then.

I’ve realized that I’m not who I was, to use the Brandon Heath’s song, but there is certainly a lot of room for constant growth.

I’ve realized that I’m too hard on myself. Wait, I knew that one.

I’ve realized that all people ask of me is to be myself.

And I’ve realized that a hug and laugh go along way.

So that’s year one. There is at least two and a half more years waiting for me down the road. They will be challenging. They will test me. They will grow me personally to new levels of devotion and love for our Lord. And they will send me on a road and a life that I never imagined for myself three years ago, but here I am humbled by it all.

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